Glory and Gore
by NightsLightss
Summary: inspired by captainscarletts and her orange AUs on tumblr.


inspired by captainscarletts and her orange AUs on tumblr  
>musical inspiration includes (of course) <em>Glory and Gore<em> and _Yellow Flicker Beat_ and the slightest bit_ A World Alone  
><em>all of which are by Lorde

* * *

><p>It was a warm summer evening the first time she came in contact with her.<p>

Alex Vause sat alone on a bar stool nursing a half empty bottle and freshly bruising black eye (Nicky had caught wind of her mixing medications and then _she'd_ caught the knuckle end of Nicky's right fist).

A pleasant stillness lingered in the quiet bar, brought on by that short blissful lull between the departure of the late diners and the arrival of the early regulars. The doors were propped open, allowing the static hum of the early evening air to drift in and out of the slowly filling room like a gentle tide, and on it, Piper Chapman.

Alex had been restless. She'd come to the bar with the intent to drown herself in alcohol until she either drank herself to death or forgot who she was. Her knuckles rasped softly against the wood of the counter, not-yet-healed wounds threatening to split open once more (maybe if she knocks hard enough those delicate red welts will open up and spill what's left of Alex Vause onto the floor).

Alex had been restless. It was a new development after what was starting to feel like a _lifetime_ of resounding numbness (maybe it was a good change, maybe she should be happy she was finally feeling _something _again). She'd stormed angrily out of the gym after Nicky's fist connected with her face. There had been screaming. Anger. Several pairs of arms dragging them apart. Someone had called her name out. Alex had kept walking (maybe it was just part of the next stage of her gradual spiritual decay).

Alex had been restless. She'd told the bartender to keep them coming when she sat down because rarely did she do anything halfway (maybe that explained the bruise slowly coloring her cheek, maybe it confirmed that the "accidental" almost-overdose wasn't so _accidental_ after all), and maybe it was the three already empty bottles of alcohol dulling her edges that made her suddenly yearn for the attention of the blonde who'd wandered in.

It started innocently enough, light teasing, soft jabs, playful goading. "I don't think you know me." she'd said after Alex made a remark about 'good girls' like her and 'places like this', "Oh, I know you." she'd smirked.

Piper Chapman. 22. Up and coming princess of the professional boxing world. "Not a fan." she'd murmured at the blonde's soft surprise and quiet teasing. Not a fan. Just someone who happens to keep up with the news in the professional fighting world.

"Who _are_ you?" Piper had murmured dazedly. There was a pleasant hum in the air and she was halfway to tipsy. Alex was _whole way_ to buzzed.

"My name is Alex."

"And what do_ you_ do, Alex? Besides harass innocent women in bars."

"I fight in underground boxing matches... and I don't think you're all that innocent."

Piper had smiled slowly at that, a soft glow alighting her eyes with what Alex's hazy mind could only define as _enchantment_.

"Alex... Alex Vause?" she'd asked in a voice full of the soft wonder that only a warm helping of alcohol could instill. "I know you. You were supposed to have a promising career before you suddenly dropped off the face of the planet. You were good."

"I still am."

The blonde studied the blue-purple haze that bloomed from the underside of Alex's left eyebrow to the top of her cheekbone. "Are you sure?" she'd murmured innocently. A challenge. "It looks like you might have lost your touch."

"Oh no, this?" Alex had exclaimed with a healthy dose of false cheer, gesturing to the bruise decorating her face. "No. _This_ was a gift from a friend."

Piper had taken a sip of her drink as she studied the older woman's face. "Some friend."

"Yeah." Alex had murmured.

She'd meant to leave it at that. An innocent night of pleasant company in an otherwise dreary week (or was it month? year? she'd stopped counting after awhile), or she'd at least meant to take her home for a roll between the sheets, a visceral evening of comfort in an otherwise dreary lifetime (because what was the point when she'd stopped counting).

She had done neither of those things.

"Why don't you come see a _real_ fight?" she'd murmured as the blonde stood to leave, sliding a napkin across the bar with a hastily scrawled address on it. A soft challenge (she'd later blame the alcohol and the last of her fading anger at Nicky for this sudden desperation to keep the blonde's attention).

She hadn't responded to Alex's quiet proposal as she pulled on her jacket and settled her tab. simply studied her in silence. That enchantingly soft smile and curious sapphire gaze shining at the older woman before she turned to leave.

.

Alex had been surprised to see her when she showed up a week later. Hesitant to immediately approach, she'd hung back and watched the blonde take it all in for a moment.

"What're _you_ doin' here?" she murmured into her ear as she came around to stand before her.

"I heard this was the place to be if you're looking for a good fight."

That had been when Alex discovered that there didn't need to be alcohol involved for those blue eyes to shine with enchantment.

She'd won her fight that night. Locked eyes with that sapphire gaze in the crowd as she raised her arm to acknowledge the cheers of the masses. She'd hung back afterwards, taking her time in the locker room as the gym emptied out (a small luxury one was entitled to when the maternal figurehead of one's coach owned the gym). She had her own set of keys and the freedom to take her time before locking the place up for the night.

Piper was waiting for her when she came out.

"Not bad," she'd muttered when Alex asked her what she thought, "could've been better." She'd shrugged. Alex's eyes had narrowed. "I imagine it's a much better show when you're against someone who actually knows what they're doing."

That's how it began.

She told Alex it was alright after she laid her out for the third time that night, "anyone would be sluggish after a match and a half." An innocent enough phrase, though Alex could read the unvoiced goading between the words, could see the quiet challenge in the blue eyes gazing back at her from across the ring.

That's how it became a thing.

.

It became routine. Piper showing up every few nights to spar when Alex just so happened to be training (when Alex just so happened to be _alone_). They never held back with each other (_which is probably what makes it so intoxicating_ Alex's mind whispered as her muscles burned), it wasn't a controlled mediated sparring like Piper was used to. It wasn't a friendly brief grappling like Alex was accustomed to.

"It makes sense," Piper had remarked off handedly during one of their sessions, "we both need to practice, practice with _real_ partners," (_someone who can take as good as they give_ her mind filled in as her knuckles cracked) "what better way than with a willing participant who doesn't mind getting the shit beat out of them?"

They'd share the locker room in silence afterwards. It was an unspoken agreement of a mutual silent existence and they pretended not to notice any stolen glances, lingering gazes, or quick wandering eyes.

The silence went with them when they'd walk each other home in the stillness of the night.

.

It didn't take Nicky long to pick up on it.

"I been seein' that Chapman kid 'round here a lot lately." She'd casually remarked one night between barks of _watch your form_ and _mind the footwork_ as Alex circled the ring. "You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would yah?"

She'd merely grunted in response, but it was all the answer Nicky needed.

"She seems like a good kid." She mused a moment later. Alex acknowledged both the soft approval and quiet warning in the other woman's words (she chose to focus on the former).

Piper was seated with Nicky and Lorna next time Alex spotted her at a match.

.

Piper had been awestruck when she eventually discovered Alex's Nicky was in fact THE Nicky Nichols. Alex listened quietly, Lorna gently tending to the sores on her knuckles, as Nicky regaled Piper with various stories about her "glory days".

"You were kind of a huge inspiration." Piper had laughed somewhat timidly, in that quiet self conscious way one only can when faced with the object of one's admiration "I was heartbroken when you quit."

"Yeah, well..." Nicky shrugged half heartedly. It never got to Alex like it did Nicky. Alex was just happy to be in the ring. The location, the situation, the _details_ didn't matter. As long as her blood was flowing and her muscles were burning it was enough. Nicky had loved the professional world of it all. The fame, the glory, the money.

The drugs.

The drugs were what eventually did her in and when she fell from grace Alex followed. Nicky had lost her professional career when she mixed one too many recreational drugs with one too many prescription drugs. Alex had given hers up when Nicky needed her most. It had been Red who had taken them in, pulled Nicky back on her feet, gave them a new gym to fight in and a new ring to run.

Four relapses, three visits to the hospital, and one intensive surgery (and harsh scolding from Red about _listening to her fucking doctors_) later and it was too much strain on Nicky's body to fight anymore. Her career as a fighter was over. So Alex agreed to share _hers_. It wasn't the same as being in the ring herself, but Nicky was content with coaching Alex on.

"You were somewhat of an inspiration too, you know." Piper murmured quietly that night as they made their way home from the gym, "I mean, you weren't as big a name as Nicky, but I followed you for awhile."

.

They were several weeks into their routine when Piper disappeared for three weeks.

She'd strolled back into the gym like nothing was amiss.

Alex played along.

It wasn't until they were in the ring that Piper noticed something was wrong. Alex had been quiet all night, detached. Now her movements were quick, erratic. _Harsh_. After catching a particularly nasty cheap shot in just the right place Piper angrily threw her gloves down. "Can you calm the fuck down? What the fuck is wrong with you tonight?"

"'The fuck is wrong with _me_? Nothing. _Piper_. Why would anything be wrong?"

"I don't know that's why I'm asking!" Her own temper rising to match the brunette's. Alex huffed angrily before pulling her own gloves off, saying nothing as she turned to duck out of the ring. "ALEX."

"WHAT, Piper!?" She'd whirled around angrily to face the blonde, now standing at the corner of the ring Alex had just vacated.

"Are you kidding me?" Piper's eyes narrowed in disbelief. "You don't get to just walk away without fucking telling me what the fucking problem is! I obviously did something to piss you off so please fucking tell me about it like a mature person and let's try to fucking resolve it like a couple of _adults_."

Alex was back in the ring before Piper had even registered her moving, her forearm instinctively bracing over her face as Alex's fist collided against it. Their bodies were moving on instinct before either of them could rightly process what had begun. Discarded gloves were kicked around in the scuffle as their bare fists connected against one another's skin with the hard slapping thuds of flesh on flesh.

"_I_ don't get to just walk away?" Alex's voice rasped with a new octave of exertion. "What about _you_, Piper? You fucking disappear for a month without any warning and then just waltz back in here like everything's fucking fine? Where the fuck have you been?"

"_That's_ what this is about? Jesus, Al! I went to visit family out of state! All you had to do was ask, not mope around like a fucking child before _attacking_ me!" The remaining air that she'd had in her lungs left her body with a whoosh as her back connected with the floor of the ring. Hard. They hadn't exactly been adhering to the basic rules of the ring to begin with (not since the gloves came off, both literally _and_ metaphorically) but to say Piper had expected Alex to tackle her like a goddamn linebacker would be pushing it.

Her attention on struggling to regain her breath rather than struggling with Alex made it embarrassingly easy for the older woman to pin her arms in an iron grip above her head. Their gazes locked, the gym now silent save for the panting gasps of their lungs trying to replace the air they'd lost in the scuffle.

"What is this to you, Piper?" She'd asked softly. So softly. Too softly. Piper couldn't remember ever hearing Alex's voice this soft before, this broken. She didn't like it.

Before she knew what she was doing her lips were on Alex's.

They fucked like they fought. Rough. Angry. _Harsh_.

Alex's knuckles were bloody as she tore Piper's shirt over her head. Piper's split lip coated Alex's collar bones in red as she dragged her teeth across them. There were no gentle touches. Alex's teeth bit down on a light bruise that had begun to bloom across Piper's chest, helping it along in it's growing discoloration. Piper's nails carved fresh trails into Alex's back as she arched into the angry assault on her body. Their blood left faded trails across each other's skin in the erratic movements of their haste. Fingerprints. Lip prints. Signatures of possession.

"I won't do it again." Piper had murmured later, much later, as they lay exhausted and spent on the floor of the ring, drained both mentally and physically. "I won't leave you like that again."

They'd shared a shower head that night. Quietly holding one another in the haze of the soft steam of the locker room as they washed the blood and anger from their bodies.

.

Polly had raised her eyebrows in quiet shock when Piper finally wandered into the kitchen the following morning. A silent conversation exchanged through fleeting glances (_later_, Piper's eyes had promised) as she filled a mug with freshly brewed coffee before retreating back to the quiet of her room.

They'd walked home in silence after the shower, paused outside Piper's door only long enough to pull her keys out and unlock it before pulling the older woman in silently behind her. They brought each other to completion several more times in Piper's bed with soft touches and whispered words, falling slowly to sleep as the early touches of morning began to creep across the sky.

Piper had always been an early riser. She can't have gotten more than four hours of sleep before pulling herself wearily from the bed in search of caffeine. She'd woken up to Alex's arm curled possessively across her stomach and had taken several moments to watch the gentle rise and fall of the older woman's back, eyes idly tracking the collection of scratches and bruises painted across it as she took a mental inventory of her own sores (both pleasant and not-so-pleasant).

Alex had rolled onto her side while she was gone and she paused in the doorway to briefly study the face that was now fully presented to her for the first time since last night. She looked younger. Relaxed. Rarely (if ever) did Piper glimpse Alex looking anything less than strained by the weight of the world. There was a broken sort of innocence to her.

Her arm had snaked around Piper's waist once more as she slipped back into the bed with her coffee, a soft smile gracing the blonde's lips when she'd gently buried her face into Piper's side.

It was nearing early evening when they'd finally departed from the quiet of the bedroom.

Polly had raised an eyebrow in silent inquiry when they'd moved through the sitting room to the front door. A quiet conversation exchanged through tender touches as they lingered in the cool night air of the doorway before Alex disappeared into the falling darkness of the night.

.

Their touches are soft when they take each other in the bedroom, gentle when they explore each other in the shower, _delicate_ when they love each other outside of the ring. The ring remains their haven. The rest of the world falling away as they lose themselves in their dance.

It was in the ring where Alex's eyes shone with something other than that dulled weariness they seemed so accustomed to carrying everywhere else. It was in the ring where Piper's gaze lit with something more than the stern echo of of a heavy burdened disappointment. It was in the ring where they _truly_ came alive.

Thy fought without gloves more often than not anymore.

There was something about the burning contact of skin on skin. A sick pleasure in the stinging contrast to the gentle touches of their bedroom play. The exhilaration of swapping a _different_ sort of bodily fluids when old wounds would split open to smear a layer of blood across the body before them.

Piper never asked Alex to her matches. Alex never requested to see them. Alex's world did not exist in Piper's. It was a stain that's presence seeped no further into Piper's life than the front door of her apartment and peripheral vision of her best friend. A quiet secret locked tightly out of Piper's pristine princess image.

They didn't mention it. They told themselves they were content.

Alex never talked about her family. Piper never asked about it. Piper's mother would ask her if she was seeing anyone. Piper would tell her there was very little room for much else in her life at the moment with her attention and free time being so heavily invested in her career. Her mother would take the proffered opportunity to segue into their habitual discussion about her daughter's choice in _hobby_ as Piper's fingers trace gentle patterns across Alex's skin, humming the occasional response to the scolding voice drifting from the phone resting against her ear.

They had a tentative agreement. They told themselves it was easier this way.

.

It was an early autumn night when Piper discovered the unmarked bottle of pills.

"What is this?" she'd asked. She'd been somewhat familiar with Alex's collection of prescriptions. Pain killers, caffeine tablets, sleeping aids, etc. A plethora of bottles clearly marked with names and dosages.

"Nothing." the brunette had murmured, pulling the rattling container from the younger woman's fingers, slipping it into a different pocket of her gym bag.

They didn't discuss it again.

.

Piper's coach asked her if she'd been adhering to the proper care procedures as her examined her bruised and healing knuckles one night. She'd mumbled something about losing track of herself in the ring. A fleeting mistake. An apology. _It won't happen again_.

He hadn't pushed it.

Polly's looks had become more pointed every time she slipped in with fresh bruises, every time Alex slipped out with her own. "I'm just saying. You're losing focus." She'd chirped one Alexless night. Piper had sat silently through her friend's ongoing musings, "You spend so much time in HER world, but what are you getting out of it?", "I don't want to see you get hurt, Pipes, I mean, she _is_ kind of an asshole.", "I mean is this like a serious thing or are you two just fucking around until something better comes along?", "I'm just looking out for you.", "Whatever this is it will inevitably explode and I do _not_ have the time to pick up the pieces of another Piper Chapman meltdown anymore."

Piper hadn't responded.

Her mother had exclaimed in shocked annoyance at Piper's appearance the weekend they'd shown up for an unannounced visit. The bruises, cuts, and general state of wear and tear providing her with yet another excuse to begin the tirade on her daughter's insistence at throwing her life away over hobbies that have lived on well past their expiration date.

Piper had simply nodded.

"You gotta let her go, Vause." Nicky had mumbled one night to a slowly clearing bar and a collection of empy bottles. They'd packed away the gloves, the tape, the ring, thrown back a shot, a glass, a bottle. Alex's hands had silently clenched and unclenched around the bottle in front of her, "She's got a shot at this. A _real_ shot.", "You can't take that from her.", "You can't drag this kid down with you. You can't drag her into the mess WE made for ourselves.", "You can't let her become a broken old piece of _nothing_, like us.", "You gotta let her go."

Alex finished her drink.

.

It was late October when the verbal fights began.

It started with little things. Piper's increasing tardiness, Alex's growing state of agitation, Piper's hairline temper, Alex's inability to provide sufficient time together outside the ring. They'd snip irritably back and forth at one another before a limit was breached, a temper cracked, a ring or room or conversation exited. They didn't stay angry long. A quiet apology, a soft touch, begrudging forgiveness or a rough reconciliation in the form of carnal exchange, and all would be forgiven.

It didn't take long to grow worse. They were already accustomed to fighting without gloves in the ring, it was only natural for the gloves to come off in their verbal matches as well.

It happened one night after Piper stormed out of the ring in a quiet fit of rage. She'd been halfway to the locker rooms when Alex had called out. "Yeah, Piper, great! Run away from all your problems! Run right back into your perfect little world where everything is safe and stable and where you don't have to face the ugly reality of your dirty little secret!"

"Is that what you think this is to me!?" She'd whirled back around to face the brunette still standing angrily in the center of the ring, her journey to the locker room forgotten. "A fucking secret love affair? I have _tried_, Alex! I have _tried_ to allow you into my life, but you refuse to meet me halfway!"

She'd scoffed mockingly from her position above the blonde, but said nothing more. At this instance Piper would typically spin back around, continue her journey to the locker room. Alex would linger in the gym, throw a few misdirected punches at one of the bags hanging around the room before stripping herself of her sweaty tank top and following the blonde's path into the locker room. They'd meet in the shower and the apology would begin. Piper had had different plans tonight.

"What are the pills for, Alex?" She'd demanded softly, green irises snapping to meet blue as Alex's attention refocused on the blonde before her. They'd stared silently at one another. A quiet standoff. Both refusing to be the one to give in, give up, admit _defeat_.

A sigh. Piper. Their gazes broke as she turned to continue her journey to the locker rooms. Alex didn't follow. Piper didn't wait. They went home alone.

.

It was a week and a half before Piper showed up again.

Alex had lost her match. She was sitting despondently on one of the benches as the gym emptied out around her. Her head had been down as she wrapped and unwrapped the tape around her knuckles. She felt her presence before she saw her.

She slipped quietly onto the bench beside her, sitting so they were facing opposite directions of the gym. Alex's hands stilled only for a moment before resuming their senseless pattern. _wrap. unwrap. on. off_. Piper's hands lay hidden in the pockets of the grey hoodie currently zipped up to her chin. They waited as the last few bodies emptied from the gym around them. Then they waited some more.

"Antidepressants." Alex eventually murmured. Piper's head turned towards her slightly. Blue irises studying her from the corner of her eyes, listening, but not pushing. "They're antidepressants. I've been taking them since my mom died."

She flexed her untaped knuckles, tossing the now discarded wrap to the floor. She was all too aware of the blonde's full attention on her now. "It used to be enough." She paused, gaze sweeping the length of the gym before her. "Getting into the ring. Putting on the gloves. The flow of adrenaline. Losing myself to it all." Her gaze fell back to her hands, thumbs pressing gently into the fresh sores adorning her knuckles. "It used to be all I needed to feel... _alive_. And then all of the sudden, it wasn't."

A shuddering breath made it's way past her lips as she raised her gaze once more before turning to meet the eyes of the woman beside her. Emerald met sapphire as their gazes locked. Piper studied her silently, deeply. She was waiting for the rejection. Waiting for the blonde to realize she wasn't the infallible champion she presented herself as, to understand that she was broken, damaged scrap. Her dark eyebrows knitted together briefly and Alex's eyes fell closed, preparing herself for the inevitable.

They blinked back open in shock as Piper's lips met her own. A quick soft kiss, a hard steel gaze exchanged, before returning her lips to the brunette's in front of her once more. Her hands found their way to the hair at the base of Alex's skull, just before the swell of her neck, fingers tangling tightly in her hair as she pulled the brunette harder against her mouth. Alex's own hands moved to cup the jaw before her, one sliding along the younger woman's face to bury itself in the blonde locks at the back of her head as the other fell to the swell of her hip, pulling her closer.

Piper's back connected with the bench as Alex pressed into her. Her hand twisted into the front of Alex's t-shirt, refusing to separate their lips, as she pulled the older woman down with her. Their kiss broke sloppily as Alex moved to straddled the bench, pulling the blonde against her once more, her legs locking tightly around her waist. Their hips ground forcefully into one another as their mouths met again. Alex's grip tightened on Piper's hip as her other hand trailed up her body to bury itself back in the hair at the base of her neck. Piper's fingers dug into the heated skin of Alex's bicep, as her other hand curled against her jaw, pulling her closer.

They broke apart for air, panting softly, foreheads resting gently against one another. Alex's fingers ran softly through Piper's hair before trailing lightly down across her jaw. Their gazes met as they studied each other in the silence of their lost breath. "I love you." She murmured.

Piper's eyes had widen slightly at the quiet admission. That soft gaze of enchantment Alex had come to love lingering at the edges of her expression before blooming into a full smile. "I love you too." She murmured softly. "_I love you too_."

Their lips met once more in the stillness of the gym.

.

"I used to love playing pretend when I was younger." Alex murmured to the darkness of the bedroom that night, fingers absently tracing patterns along the younger woman's back. Piper had been on the cusp of sleep, somewhere along that hazy line between dreams and reality as the brunette's whispered words tumbled over her.

"I'd pretend I was born into different lives... different worlds... different places." Piper flirted with the edge of unconsciousness as Alex's soft voice and softer touches continued on. "I'd always wanted to travel the world, be someone else, do something... _important_." A soft laugh, a gentle finger trailing the length of Piper's spine, "_Dreams_, y'know."

Silence lapsed slowly into the room after that, and Alex found herself in her own battle against the tug of sleep when Piper's quiet voice drifted up from the darkness, "I never liked pretend. I always preferred keep away."

And Alex had wondered if either of them were really awake anymore or if they were just having some sort of dream conversation at this point.

.

It was enough. For awhile. To pretend everything was good. They took tentative steps around each other at first, afraid to reopen old wounds never laid to rest. They both knew the shallow grave they buried their problems in wouldn't hold forever. But Piper preferred running from her problems, and Alex preferred pretending hers weren't real until they inevitably blew up in her face.

They didn't talk about the way Piper was becoming increasingly more agitated. The weight of her family's silent expectations weighing down on her heavier and heavier as the days marched on. The stress of the matches, and her reputation, and the unspoken significance of the slowly growing title that now came attached with the name _Piper Chapman_.

(_She's got a shot at this. A real shot._) Alex ignored Nicky's lingering words in her mind.

They didn't talk about the way Alex's pill collection grew from two more to three more to four more as the weeks crawled by. The heavy set to her shoulders growing more and more defined. The lifeless lilt at the corner of her eyes seeping further and further across her once bright gaze.

(_Whatever this, is it will inevitably explode_.) Piper tuned out Polly's nagging warning at the back of her thoughts.

They pretended not to notice. They pretended they were fine. And they pretended everything was alright between them.

.

It was late December when Piper finally lost her mind.

They'd had a fight the night it happened. A screaming match that had ended with Alex storming into the locker rooms to prepare for the night's fights. She hadn't seen the blonde since. They'd been arguing on and off for the past several days, a gradual buildup of hoarded tension finally coming to a head earlier that evening before the gym began to fill with the night's crowd.

Things between them had been strained. Alex was distant. Piper was destructive. In hindsight, Alex wondered if, had she not been so wrapped up in her own issues, she might have taken more notice to the hairline fractures slowly turning into significant cracks across the blonde's psyche. Maybe she would have seen it coming.

She'd been sitting in the locker rooms once more, wearily pulling the evidence of the night's fight from her aching body, when she heard.

.

The sirens are what she notices first. Police. An ambulance. A wailing mixture of chaos and commotion. The next thing she notices is the blood. There was so much blood._ Too much_. Her immediate thought was '_Someone's killed her. She's dead. Someone's killed Piper_.' A screeching record stuck on repeat in her mind. The third thing Alex notices is Piper.

She's being led away by two police officers. There's a heavy wrapping of gauze around her right hand. Her face is blank.

Her feet were propelling herself towards the blonde before she knew what was happening. Everything else came in disjointed flashes.

Pushing through the throng of onlookers.

A hand connecting with her chest.

_You need to step back. _

_I know her, she's my-_

_You need to step back, ma'am._

A hand encircling her arm.

_Vause..._

She didn't hear any other words that may have been exchanged. Her gaze locked on the despondent blonde as the world around her fell away. Piper's eyes had met hers for a split second and what she'd seen had terrified her. The blue eyes that were usually so full of enchantment had been empty. Hollow. Lifeless.

The hand around her bicep was dragging her backwards.

Distant voices telling the crowd to disperse.

Piper's head being pushed into a patrol car.

The gym doors closing.

Silence.

She'd had a full blown meltdown according to Nicky. Attacked nearly everything in her sight. She was sitting in the middle of the floor when things started making sense again. Papers, tape, fabric, debris, the floor around her had been a mess, Nicky's voice rising from the far wall where she stood, resting in the shadows, watching. "You done?"

Alex only sniffed in response. Her knuckles were bloody.

.

Piper was released two days later.

Alex doesn't see her around again for two months.

.

It's late February, she's wrapping her knuckles on one of the benches in the silence of the gym, her head lowered, when she felt her familiar presence.

She lowers herself to the bench beside her and they sit in silence as Alex works. Alex's hands flexed softly against the snug wrappings of their bindings. Piper's hands sit buried in the pockets of her familiar grey hoodie. Their shoulders brush slightly. They've been here before.

"They kicked me out of the league." She finally speaks, voice uncharacteristically hoarse (Alex vaguely wonders if it's from disuse or just the opposite). Her hands hesitate for only a moment before resuming their task, "There's always a place for you here." she murmurs tiredly after several seconds.

Piper shakes her head slowly, eyes trailing across the gym stretched out before them, a faraway look clouding her gaze. "I can't fight anymore." Her voice is soft. Tired.

"Their decision holds no sway here, Piper." Her own voice is low. Spent.

"No... I mean... I _can't_ fight anymore." She turns towards her as she speaks, sapphire meeting emerald. There were no heavy revelations this time. A sigh slips from Alex's lungs as her hands fall limp between her knees. Her chin ducks to her chest in a slight nod. Quiet understanding.

"_Yeah_." She murmurs. They sit in silence.

.

They slip out the back doors of the gym that night. The faint glow of the early morning sun touching the edges of the horizon as they walk the quiet streets of the fading night.

Conversation starts softly, for the first time in their usual silent journeys home. They're somewhere between halfway to Piper's and halfway to the gym when Alex finally begins what they've both been trying so hard to avoid.

"I'm sorry." Her voice soft at first, but not hesitant. "I'm sorry. For everything. For all of it. I'm sorry we didn't handle this better. I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me to be. I'm sorry that I'm incapable of not fucking_ every good thing that happens to me_ up."

Somewhere along the line her feet had stopped moving. Piper's feet had stopped moving. Somewhere along the line they'd grown still, now facing each other in the silence of the street. "I'm sorry for fucking _you_ up." Somewhere along the line she'd started to cry.

Piper's gaze isn't forgiving as she stares back into Alex's watery one. But her words are when she finally speaks. "You're not the reason I'm fucked up, Alex. You're not the reason _any of this_ is. We made a mess of this _together_. So don't you dare try to shoulder all that weight on your own." The smallest of smiles tugs at her lips and Alex finds herself releasing a breath she didn't know she'd been holding.

As she takes a step closer to the silently breaking brunette, her hands raise to softly (but _firmly_) cup the older woman's jaw. "I meant it, you know. When I told you I loved you. That hasn't changed. That will _never_ change."

"Look at us." Alex huffs with a watery chuckle, "We're a fucking mess, kid."

"Yeah. We are." Piper's eyes dance softly back and force between Alex's, and it's a soft, barely noticeable thing when it happens, but Alex catches it. As Alex pulls Piper's face to hers in a soft kiss, Piper's eyes fall closed, shutting gently over a faint shine of enchantment.

.

Polly's not yet up when they slip through the door and down the hall to Piper's room. The faint beginnings of a soft grey haze coating the walls as they lay quietly in Piper's bed, facing each other. Alex is only slightly taken aback when the faintest of laughs slips through the blonde's lips. She waits patiently, eyebrows furrowing slightly, for her to share.

"My mother was thrilled when I told her I was done with fighting."

A tired smile worked it's way across the older woman's lips. "I'm sure you just about gave the woman a heart attack."

Another light chuckle escaped the blonde as that soft sense of enchantment Alex found herself so enamored with stole across her gaze. "Yeah." Her fingers creeped up to toy gently with the curve of Alex's chin. "Daddy wasn't so thrilled though."

The lingering touches of what was left of Alex's small smile fell away as she regarded the girl before her in the quiet stillness of the slowly growing morning. Piper licked her lips softly, a small sigh slipping from her lungs as she focused her attention on the hand currently caressing the face in front of her.

"He was the reason I fought, y'know. In a way. I mean..." She faltered, a faraway look glazing over her eyes, still focused on the hand at Alex's chin. "don't get me wrong, I did it for me too. I loved it. Parts of it. For my own reasons. But when I started showing promise of a real... _talent_ for it... when I started winning my matches... generating buzz... becoming _known_... it was the only time he ever really seemed... _proud_ of me... y'know." She chewed her lip thoughtfully, lost in the distant world of her thoughts. "It was always about the glory. Nothing more."

"I tried to kill myself." Alex's voice is soft when she speaks, her jarring admission pulling Piper from her quiet reverie. "Before I met you." Piper's fingers stilled under her chin as her blue eyes darted quietly across Alex's somber face. Alex's own gaze fell to rest on Piper's collar bones, peaking faintly out of white v-neck she wore loosely.

"That's why Nicky gave me that black eye. I told her it was an accident... but it wasn't. I... the ring wasn't enough anymore and I was just... lost in this fucking... swirling blackness... and the pills were just there and I thought..." Her voice trailed off to a faint bitter chuckle as she paused to gather her thoughts. "I guess I fucked that up too though, huh."

Her eyes rose to meet Piper's again. The pity she'd been so afraid to see in the blonde's eyes was absent when their gazes locked, a soft sort of sadness in it's place. "I'm glad you did." Piper murmured softly.

Her thumb had begun to softly stroke at Alex's chin once again and they studied each other in quiet resolve before Alex's lips met her own. They leaned into each other as Alex's hand came up to cup the side of her face, thumb stroking her cheek gently. A heavy sort of silence fell over them as they embraced, though for the first time it wasn't an unpleasant one. It carried a weight of promise. Understanding. Hope.

"Please don't try to kill yourself again." Piper murmured softly when they broke apart.

.

It was a warm summer evening when they sat on the stairs of the porch to Piper's small house.

Piper perched a step above Alex, lazily draped between her legs. One of her hands absently tracing patterns across the blonde's calves and thighs, the other loosely clutching a cigarette. Piper's arms were soft around her, a hand running slowly through the hair at her temple, fingers gently massaging her scalp. Her other hand tracing lovingly across Alex's collarbone before rising to cup the wrist holding the cigarette. Bringing it to her own mouth, her thumbs absently traced the lines of Alex's knuckles as Alex's gaze traced the scars adorning hers.

The smoke curled quietly around them as it left Piper's lungs, along with a soft musing. "Glory and gore." She'd murmured absently, Alex's eyebrows furrowing in silent question. "It's what we are." She took another pull of the cigarette, gaze still focused on Alex's knuckles, fingers still tracing absently. "I fought for the title. For my father's approval. For the glory. You fought to bleed. To _feel_ something. You fought for the gore."

Alex flicked the dying remains of the cigarette to the ground before engulfing Piper's fidgeting hand in her own. Her fingers ran over the fading scars of Piper's knuckles as they slid between the gaps to tangle gently with the blonde's. "Glory and gore go hand in hand." She'd murmured softly against her lips.

They didn't exchange anymore words as the shadows of the world slowly stretched before them in the dying light of the early evening sun.

* * *

><p>mostly with this story I wanted to explore certain aspects of their personalities (Alex's brush with depression, Piper's temper, the revolving implications of Alex's childishness and refusal to live responsibly vs Piper's fear of the unknown future, Alex's absence in Piper's outward world and Piper's ease at casually telling her family one thing while currently engaged in the complete opposite) and certain aspects of the canon story in a different setting and universe. There's still a bunch of discarded notes and ideas I wanted to explore in the original draft, but trying to fit it all in made the story way too disjointed and choppy. There was a discarded story line involving rumors about Piper and another up and coming male boxer, a discarded story line involving Alex and another OD, there were just a million ideas that ultimately didn't make it into the final cut, but I managed to get across most of what I wanted to include and explore and I hope that, for the most part, it made an enjoyable story for you to read.<p> 


End file.
